When it the right time to speak and when is it not? Our thoughts tend to be constant as a continuous stream of ideas, perceptions, judgments and all manner of things which keep us trapped in what seems like mind-focused but can be mindlessness rather than mindfulness.
Enough mind patter to keep us distracted and busy rather than calm and centered.
And if our thoughts aren't enough to keep us tangled, there is the tendency to speak what we are thinking. Too often we step into another's space by offering our ideas; I know what you should do, how to solve your problem. Get out of your relationship, tell your mother what you really feel and so on and so on.....The faultiness of this approach lies in the assumption that we know what is right for another person and that it is our place to say what we think which in fact imposes our opinions on them. When we supply our friends, family, and anyone else with our non requested perceptions it interferes with their ability to solve their own dilemas, to create solutions based on their own internal processes.
Louis Armstrong, the brilliant trumpeter, coined the phrase "I don't let my mouth say somethin' my head can't stand." He was referring to the tendency to say whatever comes to your mind without considering the consequence of that action- when we speak so quickly isn't it likely that we may not have taken the time to consider with care what we are saying? Even if we are asked for our opinion, then taking a moment to gather your thoughts in order to express what you feel with clarity and non judgment can do much to foster positive communications.
We engender trust as we develop the ability to know the appropriate time to speak, providing the space for active listening and careful responses. Yes, it does take a little practice to put these principles into place, but once they are, then you will likely find improvement in your relationships as well as a quieting of your own mind which is all to the good.